The Ultimate Sigh

So in a blast from the past, I have decided to play Duke Nukem Forever.

The classic Duke Nukem 3D was and still is one of my favourite games ever. I remember it well, in 1996, playing PC multiplayer for the first time on Duke 3D. The way to do it in those days was to meet someone on a local BBS, then exchange phone numbers and dial in on modem. Then hope that somehow you can connect. There was no fancy “voice” chat in those days, and the thing was basically a 1 on 1 affair. I remember the first real joy in playing against, and with, another human, totally different to just killing computer opponents, and using fun ways to kill such as pipe bombs and trip mines. The other thing was the first time I played against someone it was a girl. Those were the days when you had to call their number to speak to them before launching a game just to make sure settings were correct, and I definitely talked to a girl. She was a good player.

What about the new Duke? Everyone knows this game has been 15 years in development, 12 years behind schedule, a byword for vapourware, a punchline for jokes and the initials DNF started to mean something else. Well it’s finally taken another studio to push it out after 3D Realms went bust before finishing it. There are a lot of reviews out for it already, and most of them are quite reasonable in their assessments. Here are my thoughts on the game:

• Crude humour is back. This is a trademark of the Duke series and quite possibly one of the things I liked the most from Duke 3D, so I am glad for its return. Especially since most shooters are way too serious these days. Pissing, drinking beer, and various other interactive objects make a welcome return.
  
• The ladies are back, and so is the macho humour, dirty puns.
  

  

  
  A lot has been written about how the depiction of women in this game is outdated and misogynistic. People are forgetting that Duke 3D had strippers who you could tip money to see very pixellated breasts, and who you could kill if you wanted to. At least in this game, the normal non-infected women are not killable, and yes I tried. I don’t see anything wrong with that since they are just pixels, and they get in the way of doors a lot. The macho humour in here is just that, humour. What do people expect from a Duke game anyway, it’s not going to be all politically correct. Granted I have not yet played up to the Hive level where apparently you do need to kill a couple of women infected with alien offspring but so far, nothing in this game deserves as much as scorn as it has received as a woman hating title. In fact it is pretty tame so far, with only cheesy puns being something that could be construed as misogynistic. I mean there is no nudity unlike Duke 3D and there are no killable women, until the Hive level where the two women to be killed are infected.

• Improved graphics. Well after 15 years of development, you’d expect it to look at least a little better.
  
• Unbelievably long loading times. I mean it’s gotten to a point of real annoyance. I don’t mind too much a long level load although of course, the shorter the better, but even after the level is loaded, each death requires reloading the whole level again. I compare it to Modern Warfare 3 where yeah the level loads were a bit sluggish on my laptop but each respawn at the most recent checkpoint after a death on the same level is instantaneous. It really is frustrating having to wait a long time in between respawns.
• 2 weapon limit. What the fuck is this design choice? Duke is all about carnage on a massive level with a range of weapons. Who thought of this dumb 2 weapon limit crap? It’s acceptable in the more realistic shooters with good cover but Duke is all about strafing and fast gameplay, fighting enemies in gungho style. Hate this design choice and I know apparently they’ve since patched it to allow for 4 weapons but this is just stupid, pretty much kills a lot of the old Duke fun.
• Slow game play and no exploration. So the above loading times, and 2 weapon limit along with a regenerating health bar means that the gameplay is much slower. I spent most of the time running away waiting for my shitty health bar to regnerate. Give me med packs anytime. Also the maps are linear corridors. It’s not possible to make a wrong turn or to get lost. No exploration needed. That’s not Duke either.

It’s very late and in conclusion I just like to say that this extremely late game is not the same type of game that I had wanted. It tries mixing and matching different styles of shooters and it just doesn’t work. I’ll still play it because some of the game is still Duke like, but if it wasn’t for the special place Duke holds in my memories, I wouldn’t bother. It’s not a bad game, but there are so many games better than it. I am glad it’s released and hopefully more Duke games will be made after this, as apparently this was still a financial success. With any sequel Duke games, perhaps it will return to the spirit of what made Duke 3D one of the most fun games I’ve ever played.